Brace yourself, spring is coming! With cold and snow. Time to stay near the fireplace, and listen to old tales about dices and lead adventures.
Once upon a time (about two hours ago), there was a dark dungeon infested by Orcs and skeletons…. While centuries were flowing like a river, walls were printed and painted in the cheapest plastic available. Lurbuk the Ogre eventually discovered the place and opened a wine bar. The presence of high quality french wine was an insult in a country brewing the strongest ale of the world, and Amerdicus Vespasius the Usurper sent a company of brave men to close this illegal venue. Here is the map of the Forgotten Cavist.
The company carefully went to the cave (à vin – in french). Thirteen bold men for an easy but not paid expedition.
Echoes of their footsteps was the only sound they could hear in those forgotten places. The doubt. Was it the right dungeon or was Lurbuk elsewhere? The company was of strong morality, and killing innocent murderers and monsters could not happen. A smell quickly washed their doubt: the horrible and terrible smell of red wine, mixed with a such horrific odor – french cheeses. It was the place. Inhabitants expendables, and no risk of collateral damage.
Our men tried to open the stock doors, but Lurbuk’s servants tried more to keep the door close.
The company storms the guards bedroom, loosing only one man
The orcs should have been sober, now they are dead. Except for the elite guards, who easily slay a company man (probably too troubled by the cheese smell)
The stock is cleared, but not looted: only unhealthy food (carrots and broccoli – Lurbuk must die for this! Who can eat those… these… things?)
Loot in next room is more………. GOLD. A gigantic and heavy statue made of pure gold. Hop, in the pocket!
Alfred du Bidon, the best knight of Amerdicus the Usurper, discover some bones of no value. At Alfred’s great surprise, the bones toss a hammer to his head. Alfred du Bidon is severely battered to death.
A strange room with a movable wall, leading to forbidden places.
More bones, more fights, no deads. Really, can a skeleton die?
Master Chief, elite guard of Lurbuk, is aware of the enemy. He jump on the living room table, ready to die in an epic and Hollywoodesque manner. The ceiling is quite low in a dungeon. Unfortunately for Master Chief. The Orc’s heavy war axe can not reach a sufficient height to be effective. It’s not an epic battle, but a miserable death for Master Chief.
An abyssal and impassable gap in the corridor, walking all the way back is not an issue
Lurbuk, a fine Gourmet, in his kitchen. Some bottles of Chateau Medoc can be seen behind him.
Effectiveness of a good training and high monastery education, the company men have the brilliant and genius idea to use their environment to pass the gap. Nothing can beat an intellectual work.
Master Chief’s scream of agony attracted a walking pile of bone. The skeleton is a formidable fighter, and the company man is almost thrown in the fireplace. But bones turns to ashes with the right ten pounds spiked argument.
A derelict wall, more bones, a treasure. Gold expel cheese bad smells. But bones take company men life away.
And bones again.
Lurbuk welcome a customer, with his best axe swing. Then go greet another happy customer. The red on the floor does not smell wine, but fear.
Company men are chased even in the toilets.
While Lurbuk is cleaning the defecating room from the company dirt, a company man enters the kitchen. He is not a smart man, he must destroy red wine, but all the bottle are green. What to do? Taste a bit of each bottle? But the poor soldier had only beer to drink in his life, and don’t know how wine taste.
A secret opening is discovered in the toilet room, with some more bones.
The last two men alive have done their job. But where lead this trap door? Could it be a cellar with more wine? The two lasting soldiers carefully walk down. Amerdicus Vespasius the Usurper is still awaiting for some news from them at this day.